It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
