return my video game
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
