Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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