By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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