dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
