My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
