The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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