I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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