Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
