Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
