Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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