Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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