Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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