im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
