yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
