ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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