I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Its about making memories worth repressing
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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