Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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