i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
