I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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