either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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