You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
