I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
