you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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