He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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