You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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