I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
