One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
