I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
