Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
