He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
