the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
