am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
