We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
