do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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