I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
