Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He passed out mid-signature
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
