guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
