He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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