This is not my ceiling
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
