dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
