That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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