I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
