Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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