honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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