i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
