Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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