Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
