areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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