Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
